

I realised today that I could never be Jane. Jane Porter that is. As in Jane and Tarzan... Leaving your life behind to live in a remote jungle with your not uite haory monkey but not far off new lover is one thing... But leaving behind your;
Daily shampoo.
Daily conditioner.
Night out shine shampoo.
Night out extra shine conditioner. (And I donapos;t even have that much hair)
Shower gel.
Body scrub.
Basic body moisturiser.
Tinted shimmer body moisturiser. (You know, for your cleavage and the bits people see)
Daily cleansing blackhead removing scrub.
Daily facial cleansing wipes.
Daily shine minimising moisturiser.
Weekly Detox Clay Mask.
Iapos;m not even getting into makeup. Especially the makeup you put on to make people think youapos;ve not got any on. Youapos;re just naturally beautiful all the time...
And Iapos;ll not bother getting into the giant paper precription bag of what happens when my excema, psoriosis, assorted skin complaints flare up, which involves a round of ointments, steroid creams, emolient baths, scratching, biting, crying and me generally getting myself into a state and cancelling plans with people. Yeh, I love plans, you know this, so if I cancel on you, itapos;s probably becasue Iapos;m disgusting. So there you go.
TOOTHPASTE
Nuclear Listerine type mouthwash.
Dental floss.
Nail file.
Nail strengthener.
Nail polish.
Topcoat.
Paracetamol.
Ibuprofen (Taken in combination)
Anything else I can get my hands on.
Wine.
Jagermeister.
Caramel Wafers.
Malboro...
Well, thatapos;s a different story altogether.
And you know something? I know there are people out there who canapos;t get through their day without the help of all that shit listed above, and more. Iapos;ve been in peopleapos;s bathrooms, Iapos;ve looked in their medicine cabinets, and Iapos;ve waited 2 hours or more for people to get reasy to go to the fucking pub. So I know, Iapos;m not a special case. Maybe special in other ways, but not when it comes to cosmetic shit.
While Iapos;m here. A bit of a dig at my make counterparts. What canapos;t they get through their day without?
Scratching.
And possibly beer.
Bastards.
xxx
captain cook james line time, a dictionary of the english language, a dictionary of symbols, a dictionary of surnames, a dictionary of surname free.


